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From: Rob5426@yahoo.com
Category: Category 1
Date: 2/23/01
Time: 9:13:40 AM
Remote Name: 208.24.179.207
I am an active member of my parish community. I have brought them communion in the hospital. I have sung at their wedding or the funeral of a loved one. They hear me proclaim God's word at Sunday Eucharist. I may have been their catechist as they prepared for Confirmation, or stood beside them as they journeyed through the RCIA. I may have been their parish's Director of Religious Education. I was the one who helped to decorate the church, or help keep it clean.
I have performed all of these ministries. The other parishioners and staff tell me that I am a valued asset to the parish. I do all this, I am called to do all this; however I cannot be honest with them. All this could end the moment the parish finds out that I am a gay man. Yes, I'm gay.
The recent events at the Vatican only reinforce the reasons why I cannot tell them who I am. God has called me to ministry. Yet how can I minister in a church that seems to be pushing me away? When will a hand held up as a barrier become a gesture of welcome? Or even more, an embrace of love? Is the Church trying to alienate it's gay and lesbian members? I'm here to tell you that it's working.
I remember, while ministering in a hospital, holding a young man when he died. His parents unable to be there for they had disowned their gay son. The parents believed they were doing what the Church wanted them to do. I guess it could be worse for me. I also know it could be better. It took me more than twenty-five years to accept myself. Someday the church I love will accept, possibly even love, me. I pray that this will happen.
I offer encouragement to other gay and lesbian Catholics. I know the pain you feel. You are not alone in your struggles. I take comfort that Jesus often preferred the company of those marginalized by society to the company of religious officials. The Church tried to push me away before. I worshipped at just about every other church there is. Yet something, or someone, kept calling me home. My faith is Catholic, I am Catholic. I take great joy and comfort in the Eucharist. It is the core of my life. Ironic, isn't it that my greatest comfort should come from the hand of my oppressor? I am a gay catholic man. I am proud to be gay. I am proud of the ministry I do. I pray for the day when the Church will be proud of me, too.
I know the Church's teachings on homosexuality. My intent is not to dispute them. My intent is to let the Church know the effects that constantly pointing out the 'intrinsic disorder' and 'objective inclination toward evil' has had in my experience. My intent is to try to put a 'face' on the issue. For this purpose, I would like to respond to how the Church's teachings impact me. I wish to remain in the realm of sexual orientation and not action because my orientation is part of who I am, and not a choice (as any action is).
The other day I was helping the RCIA team at my parish at one of their regular sessions and the topic of homosexuality came up. One of the candidates said that she was glad she was joining the Catholic Church because then she wouldn't have to "worry about having any fags in church". No one said a word, either to support or correct her choice of words or her opinion. The catechists then moved to official Church documents, statements and news articles. I was aghast at how often, especially lately, the disorder/inclination language has been used. This is just one practical, real-world effect of these constant attacks on the Church's gay and lesbian members who are supposed to be always her children. In fact, I cannot recall the last time I read something from the Church on the topic of homosexuality that I discerned was, in any way, positive. I believe that the Church is lacking in its pastoral responsibility and is guilty of psycho-spiritual abuse that affects the whole Church.
When the Church constantly emphasizes the 'intrinsic disorder' and 'inclination toward evil' without 'affirming dignity' it's like pouring salt on a wound that has been too deep for too long. These statements, in my mind, contradict. I'm left to wonder how I have dignity because I'm created in the image and likeness of God but my very being goes against God's created order and my actions will tend to stray from God's goodness. I don't think God would create someone like that. Here, my personal encounter with the Mystery that is God contradicts what the Church teaches me.
The recent events at the Vatican make it very difficult for me to continue to contribute my time, talent and treasure to a church that continually abuses me. As a gay man I must say (in my own small way) ENOUGH! I wish I could express to you how much the Church has hurt me, has angered me. I hope the Church would affirm our human dignity a little more often. We who find ourselves to be gay or lesbian have enough hardship with family, work and society at large. The Church should be a refuge for us, a sanctuary. Instead, I am met with constant abuse that I cannot participate in nor in any way endorse of fund. I have decided that I will no longer make financial contributions to my diocese and special collections such as Peter's Pence.
I, personally, know about thirty people, all of whom are good people with many gifts and talents, who have left the Catholic Church because they did not feel accepted because of who God made them to be. I can only imagine what it would be like if they felt accepted and came back home. That would be cause for celebration indeed.
It's time for healing. What can we do to bring it?